Friday, June 20, 2014

Toilet Invasion

Yesterday I was sitting all by my lonesome working on a steamy hot number two.  I seldom use school toilets because teachers share these with kids.  But at this school luckily there is a teacher only toilet that we can use.  Once in a while a special education student will use it as well.  Why I say this now becomes relevant later in the story.

So I am sitting on the porcelain throne working up a deuce when suddenly I hear yelling.  I am wondering what's going on but I was in my element at the time and pretty secure behind the locked door of the men's toilet.  Suddenly, a female staff member busts in the toilet yelling a student's name.  I remained silent because I thought this person was off their rocker.

It was the school nurse, and she is known in this school to be a bit mental.  She is extremely obsessive-compulsive, quite erratic and has fought in our teacher's room with varying staff and administration.  I steer clear of her as much as I can but she had me trapped.  She was frantically searching for the special education student and her target was my toilet stall. 

She lunged at the toilet door hand so ferociously that the locking mechanism jumped out of the slot and the door swung open.   There I sat, pants down around the ankles, in eternal bliss after squeezing out a hot one, with her gawking at me.  I stared back at her and squeaked out in Japanese "I'm in the middle of toileting."  She recoiled, bowed deeply and said, "Sorry, Sorry.  So sorry.  すみません.  So sorry.  Sorry."  Then as quickly as she entered she was gone.  It really was the craziest thing that has ever happened to me at school.   From now on I think I will take my deuces at home, I don't want to risk another invasion.

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